“And these flames boil in reclaim
On the way down.”
–Young the Giant, “12 Fingers”

Miles Last Week: 48
Total Miles: 750

Well, here we are. The halfway mark. Seven hundred and fifty miles down, seven hundred and fifty to go. So, why don’t I feel very satisfied or accomplished?

Because, as of today, I’ve only lost nine pounds.

Now, I know that losing nine pounds is nothing to thumb my nose at, but it’s not exactly great, either. After four months of working out, I think I should have a bit more to show for it–or a bit less, depending on how you see things. In six miles, I can easily burn at least one thousand calories if I believe what the machine tells me, which I do–robot apocalypse permitting. So, what’s the deal?

My only conclusion is that my eating habits are even worse than I originally thought. Apparently just trying to make healthier choices and having a bit more fruit isn’t going to be enough for this chickadee.

Ugh. As much as I hate it, this week I’ve had to force myself to reconcile with the idea that, no matter what I do, I’ll never be one of those people who can eat whatever they want, even if I’m burning a thousand calories per workout. Again I say UGH.

I’ve put off calorie counting for so long because I know myself well enough to realize that once there is a number out there, I’m going to obsess over it. It’s all I’m going to think about every time I eat something. It’s the same reason that I barely weigh myself once a week and I don’t measure myself. (Plus, and I’m loathe to admit this, but I might be just a little scared of what those numbers are.) I’m already obsessing over miles every week, and I didn’t want to worry about another number. I mean, it’s been a long time since I’ve taken a math class. I may nor may not be entirely certain how they work anymore.

So, I had a piece of pizza and a moment of silence as a small part of me hated those people who never have to worry about dieting. Then I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app.

For anyone who doesn’t have it, MyFitnessPal is online calorie counter/diet and exercise journal. Based on your current weight and activity level and your goals, the app will calculate the number of calories you should have per day. Then, you can either scan the barcode of your food, search for it in the database, or just add the number of calories every day into your journal. Plus, you can add the calories you burn while exercising. When you’re done for the day, the app tells you your projected weight loss for the next five weeks.

My new goal in using MyFitnessPal is to just be more conscious of what I’m eating. Call me crazy, but I still think I can get a handle on this “all things in moderation” thing.

In just the few days I’ve been using the app, I’ve been really surprised with how the projection will change from day to day. One day, it will say that I could lose twenty pounds in the next five weeks. The next day it will say that I might only lose ten. Of course, that has everything to do with what types of food I’m eating and whether I exercise. In fact, the only days I’ve had trouble staying under my calorie goal are the days that I haven’t been able to work out.

So, I suppose that the only way to really do this is to be conscious of both diet AND exercise. The experts have been right all along.

How much does that suck?